Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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