But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
