Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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