this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
