your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
