Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
