before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
