You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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