hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
