he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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