mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
