My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
