Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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