dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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