I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
