I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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