I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize