i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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