I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just pee around me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
