dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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