Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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