She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
