My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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