I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
