i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You made out with two different species that night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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