I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
