She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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