you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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