i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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