I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
