Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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