Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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