im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
