We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
