He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I AM VODKA MAN
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
