New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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