Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
