I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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