i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
