I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
