This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
