i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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