At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
