actually, I'm a sock model
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
