you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
