We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
