This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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