I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
