i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
