Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
