i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
