How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
