Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
