i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
