I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
smell my finger.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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