ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
