what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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