Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
