I want to make a zoo with you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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