I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
