Where did you get a picture of my penis
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
