The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
