I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
