For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
