But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Rumble strips road head = magical
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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