Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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