you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
