if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tornado booty call.. dedication
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
